Some thoughts about my Artist in Residency

María Angélica Contreras has a few thoughts she wants to share.
María’s residency was enabled by Culture Moves Europe Mobility Grant and AkademieAIR 2024

In May, I had the opportunity to be in residence to write the text “Secrecy of Blood” that will be part of the book co-written with Jatun Risba and Thomas Grusch, which will be published at the end of 2024. This project is a short literary piece delving into the complexities of menstrual blood’s symbolism, wavering between the sacred and the impure. It contemplates the stigma surrounding menstruation and the emotional fluctuations in a woman’s cycle.

It was a great experience filled with beautiful encounters, new stories, and opportunities to deeply know myself through writing.

I began my journey overland from Portugal to Austria. An exhausting but wonderful trip, where I could be in awe of the view of the Alps for hours. 

Upon arriving in Vienna, I could dedicate the first two weeks entirely to reading tirelessly at the National Library. It was a dreamlike routine: May is a month when Vienna looks beautiful, full of light and blooming trees. I could peacefully arrive at the library, read for a few good hours, and then leave at sunset to have a drink with friends.

On May 19th, there was a Schmiede Infosession where I had the opportunity to share with those present how my residency experience had been and what I was writing about. It was a loving and energetic gathering. I am the one in the middle!

The following two weeks were more difficult. Facing writing is daunting, especially when you have full freedom to do so: nothing is more intimidating than a blank page. I felt so intimidated that I wrote a post on my Instagram to vent:

Reflections in the midst of a writing artist residency:

Three-fourths of my residency have already passed. Twenty-five days of facing the writing, facing the abyss of creativity. Facing the panic of being. Trying to balance feeling with intellect. They say that the alchemy of these two elements —feeling and reason— lasts for a few seconds and, if lucky, for a few minutes. I have tried to perform alchemy for three weeks, and the strength of these elements is so potent that it has banished me from my center and confronted me with the void of being. Every day is a different leap: a leap of terror, a leap of rage, a leap of tenderness. There are days when I don’t want to leap.

For this alchemy, I have been given a little piece of heaven, a little piece of heaven to throw myself into the abyss. The alchemy between thinking and feeling is only for the brave, and I wonder if I have been brave. I sit in the middle of the garden to contemplate the butterflies, the bees, and the little strawberries, and I am grateful that this little piece of heaven accompanies me in my abyss.

Finally, I returned to Portugal with a full heart. It was an enriching experience and also gave me great proof of how much I like having space and time to write.

María Angélica Contreras  on insta. 

*Disclaimer: This work was produced with the financial assistance of the European Union. The views expressed herein can in no way be taken to reflect the official opinion of the European Union.

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